Last January

Let's Cover The Good Stuff

I once worked as seasonal help for a major bookseller. I know, I know, there’s really only one major brick and mortar bookseller left in America, but I’m not out to point fingers, name names, and laugh. I’ll be discrete.

Lets call them Sheds & Dignified.

Sheds & Dignified was quite rigid during the hiring process. There was a remote interview, discussions about moving up the ladder, my future goals in a possible management position, and a lot of probing questions about how books were not just a job, but a passionate life choice. I had to provide two references, both of whom had to give me glowing reviews.

Let me say again, this was for SEASONAL part-time help.

I was pumped! Me? Work around books? Fantastic! Working at the library was great, but this was working with all of the new books I loved, plus games, records, DVDs, and magazines. It was heaven. Plus, they had a cafe and employees got a free drink every shift.

Yeah.

Anyway, the job sucked and I never want to see a Sheds & Dignified again.

I recalled Sheds & Dignified last January, but gave the job to Penny and Tabby. I would’ve preferred working with them. I was definitely Penny in this strip.

The actual staff were all about twelve years old. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but they made fun of me as “the old guy” like twelve year olds, so it fits. I asked my fellow staff members if they had ever heard of the E.E.O.C. My homework assignment was to introduce them to that particular government agency.

I spent no time on their very dusty humor shelf, except to actually dust it and nearly cough to death, but had to spend hours on their bread and butter: the Romance section.

Heaven became hell.

I worked Christmas Eve, the day after Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day. About half of the staff was out sick most of the time and every single day that I wasn’t scheduled they called me to ask if I could come in. All of this hard work was surely going to lead to a full-time position with an eye towards becoming a manager. I could feel it in my bones.

I found out that my time at Sheds & Dignified was coming to an end by noticing that I was no longer on the schedule. I’m pretty astute that way. I would’ve spoken to the manager about it, but she was still out sick. I don’t get steamed easily, “Steamless Stephen” they call me, but I was steamed. I wrote an email to the CEO and HR complaining about the bait and switch job interview and being taunted by the twelve year olds.

To my astonishment, the CEO actually wrote back and apologized. It was obviously a scripted email with my name inserted, but by golly he wrote back! HR called me and said they would find out more and call me back. I’m still waiting on that call. Maybe they’re caught up in a good book.

The moral of the story is that if you’re outraged when a big, fancy store like Sheds & Dignified puts all of the mom and pop stores out of business and basically becomes the only game in town, stick to your original outrage and don’t work for them.

Or put that fifty percent discount to immediate use and then quit.

The threat of customers making a potential viral video is very real. That is, it’s very real to them. Unless there’s something truly spectacular going on, it probably won’t be as viral as they want. Help them out. Provide entertainment.

Ah, the “Close Stander”. This was an observation by me, both as a customer and as a cashier. Some people stand unnecessarily close to the person in front of them so they can get to their car and go home, presumably driving unnecessarily close to the car in front of them.

It never makes things go faster.

There was a great response to this strip. Most people liked it, but quite a few called the woman a “Karen”, with one saying he would spit in her face. Buddy, you were already breathing on the back of her neck, there’s no need for additional bodily fluids.

Maybe I did have her react too angrily. Maybe. I just have trouble understanding why a person would feel comfortable standing two centimeters behind a stranger.

Some stores do accept open food as a return, but it’s always worth emphasizing that if you’re a nice, flawed human you’ll usually get a nice, flawed human response in kind. I worry about writing nice and happy comics, but people usually like them now and again. It’s a nice break from the sarcasm.

I always notice this because I like to work second shift. The people leaving look like I’m going to look when I eventually get to leave. Happy, yet haggard.

Never try and walk across the store without a disguise. I think a full-size gorilla costume should be available for staff that need to walk to the back. Sure, you’ll get a lot of remarks and finger-pointing, but you’ll be left alone.

This came out of the Sheds & Dignified remembrances. Yes, it’s here. In the back. If you don’t mind waiting, I’ll find it in about three hours. Here, read the latest romance novel while I search.

This was a perfect January strip as a terrible winter froze us and we exchanged presidents. There were a lot of customers who wanted to transition from idle weather chat to politics, and there just isn’t enough Prozac to do that on a consistent basis every day.