31 Comments
User's avatar
Hobbes's avatar

A former girlfriend and I stayed in a vacation cottage in Long Beach, CA over New Years. We stopped at a local grocery store to grab some things for dinner. When I was slow reaching for my wallet at the checkout, she elbowed me in the ribs, doubling me over and making my wallet easy to swipe from my back pocket. Which she did. I never saw that wallet again. A few months later, I never saw her again. It was a nice wallet.

I broke my right femur in a playground accident when I was ten. When my parents were notified, they said they would consider leaving work early to tend to me. Since I needed surgery and traction, they probably felt no urgency. I spent enough time with the anesthesiologist that he qualified as a sitter. It wasn't like I could wander off and get into more trouble, in any case.

Steven Fay's avatar

For ambiance, the shopping cart ride could be modeled after a haunted house. The cart would move at a slow pace along dark corridors wherein robotic customers would pop out at random with assorted complaints. Blessedly, the cart would continue moving and its passengers would not need to respond.

See? I'm not a complete sadist.

Stephen Beals's avatar

There would be long lines for this one.

Steven Fay's avatar

What retail employee could resist the not having to reply to customers bit? So maybe more fantasy trip than haunted house ride?

Terry Gilbert's avatar

We live in a beach town. I managed the hardware store. Every spring several customers would ask "When did you get back and open up?" As if we were carnival workers who wintered in Florida, not running a business. It fit their imaginary lives that we lived.

Stephen Beals's avatar

That would never occur to me. If the ice cream stand was closed for the winter, sure. A hardware store? You would see a hammer going for $114.63 to get through those long winter months.

soapyfrog's avatar

Trying to get my head around the idea of taking (singular) vacation. How much paid leave to Americans usually get? Typically 28 days where I live + public holidays of course.

Stephen Beals's avatar

It depends on the type of job, it’s all about status. I’ve had the four weeks of vacation, plus holidays and sick time. Most retail positions have earned vacation where you work your way up to a week. If you’ve been there a number of years you can earn two weeks. Some places go to three. In short, other countries have it right and we have it wrong.

Terry Gilbert's avatar

Where I worked 1 week after 3.years, 2 weeks after 6 years and 3 weeks after 11. Only management made it to 3 weeks. Everyone else bailed out. I wonder why?

Houdini Trooper's avatar

Took a vacation for the first time in 6 years, working for a company that I had been with for 13 years. My company phone rang off the hook the whole time I was gone. Surprise, surprise just 6 weeks later I was laid off!

Stephen Beals's avatar

Dear god. Why does the worst case scenario always have to just be “the scenario” with these companies?

David William Pearce's avatar

I need to start wandering around with a tub of popcorn to better appreciate modern life. Harkin theaters sells a monster bag you can take home and it lasts for days, unless you're a ravenous teenager in which case it last as long as it takes you to get sick.

majorfathead's avatar

I've worked retail for about 26 years now and vacation is always tricky, yoi have to schedule around everyone else on your team and usually cant get say a 2 week stint, even 1 week is sometimes tough. Im taking 4 days in July and even that was hard. I usually use my vacation days to make long weekends. *sighs good times.

Guy Fraser-Sampson's avatar

Great content, Stephen. My headmaster was a bit like that.

John's avatar

I think a graphic novel trilogy would be fantastic.

Mary Braun Bates, MD's avatar

The Electronic Medical Record where I work does not have an "away" option. People are instructed to send the messages and requests and results to me even if I'm on vacation. Someone is paid to respond to them and none of my coworkers have to realize I'm gone.

Stephen Beals's avatar

This is the ideal situation. As long as someone pretending to me doesn’t make me look like an idiot. I prefer to do that on my own.

Jeannette Edith Bryant's avatar

When I was in the fourth grade, one of the teachers, Miss Conrad, had her own paddle. After she paddled you, you got to sign it. It was full of signatures! Ah, the good old days of education!

Stephen Beals's avatar

That is so subtly weird that it really sounds like it’s out one of Stephen King’s short stories. And if you happened to have a broken leg, you could sign the paddle and she could sign the cast.

Jeannette Edith Bryant's avatar

One hand slaps at another! Or something like that. When Miss Conrad retired, she took her paddle with her. Memories! 🥹

Jan van Leeuwen's avatar

A cricket bat would fit more signatures...

Jeannette Edith Bryant's avatar

I'm glad Miss Conrad wasn't a cricket 🏏 fan!

Snow Dogs Bob Lamond's avatar

More,more!!

Toni Weisskopf's avatar

About those headaches--might want to research DMSO. It's cheap, readily available on Amazon and/or The DMSOstore, and seems to actually work. A Midwestern Doctor here on Substack has written about it exhaustively.

Stephen Beals's avatar

Oooh. I will check it out.

DAVID's avatar

There were times when going on vacation ment I would have to work extra hard to catch up on all the work that didn’t get done because I wasn’t there. At least I got to see different people when I was on vacation. And strangely the same thing seems to happen when I go on vacation even though I’m retired.

JES's avatar

Taking isn't really the word. It's more that there are times of the year when the places I work just aren't open. (kindergarten)

Stephen Beals's avatar

Mandatory vacation is one of the rare rimes I like the word mandatory.

Scott Whitmire's avatar

Oh, I don’t know. For my wife and I, both retired, planning a vacation consists of “Do we want to go to Maui for our anniversary or to watch whales?” Then it’s just a matter of reservations.