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You ever have to buy a new phone?

Yeah, sure, this has nothing to do with comics, but maybe it does. Many people read my comic on their phone, which is really good because they can zoom up to read the background signs. This is really problematic when laying out comics for a book. It winds up that most paper used in book printing is the non-zoomable kind. I may have to make a separate book for the signs.

But what I’m really frustrated with is actually buying a new phone. My phone isn’t an anti-gravity phone. No, I can’t afford those. I have to buy things inexpensively because (this isn’t known in many circles) cartoonists don’t make a heck of a lot of money. I can only afford a gravity phone. In fact, my phone is so cheap that it comes with extra gravity.

As a result, I have dropped my phone approximately 918 times. This month. It has cracks that make out a pleasing, artistic design, but it’s a little frustrating to look at if I want to read anything my phone is displaying. I have to read between the cracks, which sounds like legal advise instead of a sad reality. The charging port is also damaged on my phone due to gravity. Instead of simply plugging it in like the rich folk do, I have to wrap the charging cord around my phone so it stays plugged in at a taut angle.

It’s a sad way to see a 2023 iPhone 14 spend the final days of its life. Dear god, has it been two years? My phone is positively ancient.

So instead of writing this, making comics, or laying out a book I’ve been looking at various ads promising me a BRAND NEW IPHONE 17 with a trade in, regardless of condition. It’s that “regardless of condition” that appeals to me. Normally it’s the condition of my phone that people regard, but not with these trade in advertisements. What luck.

To get one of these spectacular new phones with my crack-ridden trade in, all I have to do is carefully fill out several pages of information to see if I qualify. For every one of them I qualify and only have to pay thirty to fifty bucks a month for two years to get my free phone. Isn’t that a great deal? Who knew that free could be in such affordable monthly payments?

Let’s look at some comics while I give my phone CPR.

This was quite popular and I was very pleased because I thought of it as someone was complaining that that had been waiting forever. Someone who has been waiting forever does not like to be congratulated on their immortality.

This is based on actual self checkout machines at an otherwise wonderful store called Meijer. Meijer probably isn’t in your area, but they are like a nicely designed Walmart with wide aisles that can actually accommodate more than one cart. Great store, but their self checkout machines should be taken out into a field and beaten up, a la Office Space.

The grass is always greener at whatever place claims to have greener grass.

Todd dating Shelby was a cute subplot I did there for awhile. I just didn’t want to continue doing that to Todd. I think Todd is my oldest character. I drew him on the school bus when I was ten. As a result, I have a soft spot for him.

This was a personal favorite. I’ve known many dramatic people in my life whose drama eventually couldn’t even break the flow of a mundane conversation.

Eating is a great way to avoid offering an opinion. Some people require more mouthfuls of food than others.

Offers of overtime are always offered with a more upbeat presentation than declarations of hours being cut. Announcements of hours being cut made by a mortician.

Stores that are too bright, too loud, or have weird smells should pay extra.

I procrastinate about having to do things the hard way, I complain to everyone who doesn’t want to listen that I have to do things the hard way, and after it’s done I brag endlessly about doing things the hard way. I make the hard way much harder than it needs to be.

Yeah, those signs! How to make them legible in a book? I can read them on my monitor, but it’s going to be tricky on a page. I this is me procrastinating about the hard way and complaining about the hard way all in one step. I’m a master.