Returning to May

The Beginning Of The Middle

How is it almost September? Didn’t we just have a September? Did the order of the months change and I didn’t notice? It’s true, I tend to get involved in little side projects, like scraping together enough cash to stay alive from week to week, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if September was now earlier in the year.

Sigh.

Let’s return to May. May is when it’s still possible to have a good year. I’m talking as an individual here, not about world problems. This is a light and frothy discussion and I think we can all agree that world problems are neither light nor frothy. As an individual, it’s still possible to get your act together in May. You can imagine yourself in December, laughing with a perfect physique, financial stability, and personal happiness. “Boy, can you believe what a clown I was back in May? Ha ha!”

Now it’s almost September. By December all I can imagine is me saying, “How is it already December?” Unless I win the lottery, of course. It is possible that I could win the lottery next week, completely go crazy, and be broke by December. I’m ambitious that way.

I’ve got to start playing the lottery. Anyone have a couple of bucks?

This got way more hits on Instagram than other comics for reasons unknown. It happens a lot. A comic that I think is no more special than any of the others gets thousands of more hits. I’ve narrowed it down to “the algorithm”. Why something is more popular always boils down to the algorithm. That could cause you to ask for more details about the algorithm, but I’ve suddenly found something else more pressing to attend to.

The only thing I know about the algorithm is the word algorithm.

But it’s true, people complaining about waiting often make others wait just as long while they complain. This has happened enough times to become ancient wisdom.

Ah, training sessions. We can sit, snack, and be paid. It almost has the same sort of excitement as being shown a film in grade school.

This was an actual fill in the blank suggestion from a trainer.

The empathy formula is real as well as my sarcasm. I have had a customer actually say “I don’t have time to wait!” and as luck would have it I did not have time to help them.

I’ve known a lot of trainers. Some trainers come into your building. Sometimes you have to drive to their building to be trained. The lucky ones are training from their home office. Each time, as they are working hard to teach me their ways, I’m admiring the cushy gig they have. I know that teaching people is difficult but it’s not as difficult as doing the thing they are teaching, especially when everyone is getting paid to be there.

This was a real question and that was my honest answer. You really find out a lot about the people you’re working with during these training sessions.

This was another actual discussion. Rent is really insane right now. My rent has gone up $525 in four years. I’d like to say I’m making more than $525 extra a month today because employers are keenly attuned to the necessity of cost of living wage increases.

Employers are not.

This is why I’ve never enjoyed pretending to be sick. Many years ago, I pretended to be sick so I could have the day off with a friend and the friend accused me of method acting. Apparently I was acting sick for the rest of the day.

I realize that many places do not divide time off between vacation and sick days. I’ve never been that lucky. I also realize that it’s better in other countries. Boy do I realize that.

The curse of pretending to be sick is that you will actually get sick when you’re supposed to be all better. Everyone will think you’re on death’s door because you’re always sick. You might have to take a leave of absence to recover from an average cold to play the part well.

Grouchy and nice people do tend to arrive in packs, but there’s always a stray.

After a remodel, everyone is lost. By everyone, I mean me.

Oh, ok, I’m the customer here. One of my favorite stores is big on the whole “Five For $2.99” thing. Some stores will say “Two For Four Dollars” and still let you buy one for two dollars, but it’s becoming rare. With a five item sale, you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find five items that are on sale, five items that you actually want, to get the cheap price.

Corporate fat cats think they’re brilliant for this, and maybe they are, but I wind up going to a store I don’t like, possibly even one that I work for, that doesn’t do these type of sales.