23 Comments
User's avatar
Jim the Geek's avatar

I really enjoyed these. Time to nudge you again about a book!

Stephen Beals's avatar

Thank you for the nudge! It’s a bit like juggling in that I’m adding more and more things to my workday until I’m juggling an impressive amount. Laying out the book is the part slowing me down, but I’ll get there.

Hobbes's avatar

I need bifocals but don't have them. I had become so used to taking my glasses off to read that I tried to tackle the driver's license renewal vision exam that way. Bombed it horribly. But I had already paid the fee and the examiner said "close enough" and renewed my license. Being a mediocre white man rules.

I had specific places I would put my glasses to keep my cat from taking them hostage in exchange for cat treats, sensitive financial data or nuclear launch codes. Whenever circumstances found me leaving them somewhere else, I faced the interesting conundrum of being unable to see well enough without my glasses to find my glasses. The longest I've gone without them is three days. Fortunately, I didn't need to drive anywhere. "Close enough" wouldn't cut it if I confused the funeral home/taxi service's yellow and black taxicab/hearse for a parking space and ending up riding to the cemetery on top of it like the worst parade float ever.

Steven Fay's avatar

I find that nothing puts me in disaster mode quicker than misplacing my glasses. Generally, this takes on the appearance of "myopic pianist searches for keyboard."

William's avatar

right? my sister went to get her driver's license without glasses. I had been pointing out to her as we stood in line that the letters on the eye chart were culled from a relatively small subset of the alphabet which improved her chances. After she read the last line of letters the first time she turned to me and I said well you only included two that weren't on the list. So they switched to a backup thing which was a machine that had different patterns north south east west and she did finally pass that line on the 6th attempt which is of course worse than chance.

Daniel Webster's avatar

Exceptional is the new mediocre.

Jan van Leeuwen's avatar

Here the common greeting when you meet someone, is "Sudah makan?" (Have you eaten.) Here too, people don't expect an answer. Furthermore, if the answer were to be 'no', it's not as if they are going to offer you a meal.

I moved to Malaysia when I was 34, so nobody here knows anything about the stupid things I have done before that. And most of the stupid things I have done, happened before I was 34. So, good for me.

Stephen Beals's avatar

That’s a fantastic greeting. I approve of all food-based greetings. Congratulations on living the dream. I have often dreamt of outrunning my stupidity.

Chas's avatar

I like the worms and the flowers. A little break from the store every now and then would be good!

Yvonne Elizabeth  Aston's avatar

I love your characters, their situational angst and humour. Sometimes I could swear that you have been spying on my life. Not that I work in retail but that the caustic comments often fit me like a glove. The just short of rude ones too. Do carry on!

Stephen Beals's avatar

Thank you so much. I was warned by an editor early on not to get too rude, so I attempt to only get as close as possible to rudeness.

ck's avatar

I teared up a little at the flowers. “She loved him not.” Awwwww 😢

Stephen Beals's avatar

Flowers are emotional characters to work with.

William's avatar

oh yeah: quite a while ago had this dual control Honda and a big Kermit Muppet- entertained a fair number of drive-thru employees back in the day.

Stephen Beals's avatar

Kermit would be my favorite customer.

Snow Dogs Bob Lamond's avatar

You’re on a roll

Peter Gimpel's avatar

BS"D

"Harvey used to be the star of the comic. I don’t know if he was supposed to be me, but he sure said a lot of the things I said." OK! Thanks for clearing that up, almost. I've also been wondering, off and on, whether you are Saint Beals. I've actually googled Saint Beals, and, believe it of not, YOU popped up! Anyway, I like these early comics. Early Tabby with the ventriloquist dummy is right in character! Thanks for these Thursday late-night unwind sessions! Best, Peter

Stephen Beals's avatar

Stbeals is a pen name in that it combines my first and last name. I always thought Beals was a little bland and needed some spice.

Peter Gimpel's avatar

Btw, in comicsland, worms can have hands and hold a coffee cup! 😀

Simon Brooks's avatar

Absolutely loved all of this!

heydave56's avatar

I'm not perfect by any means but my friends are smart enough not to dig up old shit.

Or they just don't know enough about me.

Scott Whitmire's avatar

That memory thing works both ways. Just ask my kids.

JES's avatar

Ack, I missed! It was supposed to be the last choice!