Here We Go

Again

Ah, the magical time of the year is approaching. Leaves fall with a capital F, kids decide on their favorite costume, see that they are sold out, then settle on another one, and adults everywhere complain loudly that salaries haven’t kept up with inflation. Yes, the Buying Season is bearing down on us with ritualistic glee.

Holiday Season. I meant Holiday Season.

A lot of stores set blackout periods for their employees. Those are the days that employees are not allowed to take off to be with their families because employees will be busy selling to people who’ve taken days off to be with their families. The blackout period lasts about a month.

Sure, there might be one employee who’s worked at the place for 46 years and can pretty much do what she wants, but she doesn’t count. The rest of the employees are stuck. Job abandonment is a very popular activity during this time. This causes daily requests for the employees who have a scheduled day off to please, pretty please, come into work. Employees find that setting their phones to Do Not Disturb becomes second nature.

Then there is the order cutoff date. That’s the last day you can order new supplies and merchandise. Deciding on what the store will need involves a little fortune telling and causes new managers to sweat bullets and hardened, experienced managers to gaze at a spreadsheet like the captain of a steamboat in a hurricane. Less experienced managers will have a bigger clearance section in January or possibly an empty store. January starts, of course, with some employees celebrating New Year’s while at work.

Oddly enough, I don’t look at the holiday season the same way I did as a child. Some of the, I don’t know, wonderment of it all has been sort of stripped away and replaced with memories of helping customers who are going through what can only be described as hell.

On the other hand, the Buying Season has made me appreciate the things that aren’t manmade. The real things. People I love, pets, nature….sleep. I’ve heard of sleep but I’ve never really tried it.

We’re leaving capital F Fall and going back to the sweltering summer. I finally have Rusty in the meat department. Rusty’s look is based on a guy in a meat department I know. I don’t know his name, but Rusty would fit perfectly.

Real life Rusty likes to chat with the customers. He’s really the reason to visit the meat department.

I could do a whole comic book on Tabby’s day. I imagine a lot of cat themed items and a very tidy house, despite her cats. What I don’t know, exactly, is how she spends all of her time away from work. That’s what I kind of want to know.

Heyyyy, didn’t I write that up above? This is the only time I don’t mind stealing. When it’s from myself. I’d go back and rewrite that line, but I really need to get to sleep.

This starts a story that could’ve gone on forever if I’d made a comic out of everything I wrote down in my notebook. I needed a fall guy, so naturally Berle was the chosen one.

One reader on GoComics didn’t like that I was joking about falling off a ladder, which is a very serious injury. I hope she doesn’t discover old Buster Keaton silent comedies. They would horror movies to her.

My idea of the Bad Employee Purgatory was that it included employees from all time periods, including a time far in Berle’s future. The possibility of Berle annoying coworkers throughout space and time would’ve carried the storyline even longer, so I didn’t do it.

I think purgatory is a pretty good deal for Berle.

I still admire Berle’s ability to enjoy life, even if it’s a crummy afterlife.

Todd’s little wave made me happy. I’ve worked at a place that kept us on the clock to go to a funeral, but never to a hospital bed. I think the rule of thumb is that if you want corporate to pay for you to visit a coworker, they better be dead.

This story doesn’t conclude here. I can’t possibly squeeze it into one post. I’ve avoided posting longer stories here, but maybe I should.