Google Yourself

Educational And Depressing

I googled myself. If I said that 30 years ago, it would only sound disturbing. Today it’s just sad. But in my case, it was somewhat educational. There are a surprising number of people named Stephen Beals and most of them are doing way better than I am. If anything, I’m the Stephen Beals that makes the other Stephen Beals’ feel better.

The first Stephen Beals that pops up for me is myself, as expected. It is, after all, my computer. My computer knows who plugs it in, and if it wants to stay plugged in it better make sure I’m at the top of the list. If I google “hardware stores in my area” the first result should be Stephen Beals.

Ok, we went from disturbing, to sad, to weird, then back to disturbing, but that’s google for you.

No, the real reason I Googled myself is because for the last, oh, fifteen years or so whenever anyone googled my name they would say, “Hey, look! You’re a plastic surgeon in Arizona!” That’s right, another Stephen Beals, Stephen P. Beals to be exact, became a doctor. Just like my father wanted. Damn him. So my goal was to beat him in the search results and be the first Stephen Beals. Just like my mother wanted.

And what kind of doctor is this Stephen P. Beals, anyway? Ha, he’s a plastic surgeon! Making everyone look pretty, is he? Smoothing out wrinkles and making people look younger. Big deal! Reconstruction surgery after an accident and injury, is he? Big…well, that actually is a pretty big deal. Thank you, Mr. S.P. Beals. Can I call you S.P.? It has a better ring to it.

Let us not concern ourselves with who is googling who and which person is first in the search results, the important thing to know is that we love and respect ourselves for who we are and that I am finally, after all of these years, number one. Also, googling yourself is both disturbing and sad whether it’s the 1990s before we had one heck of a search engine monopoly or today when Stephen Beals, cartoonist, is definitely the first result in a Stephen Beals search over Stephen P. Beals, the plastic surgeon. Keep that knowledge close to your heart.

I should’ve gone to medical school.

Penny’s vacation went extra long this year and left poor Tabby all alone to get into a sort of Abbott and Costello routine.

Berle is right, of course. There’s always some tightwad where you work, it may not even be the actual boss, who makes sure every procedure is followed correctly. That person can make down time nonexistent and the day more tense than it needs to be.

When that person goes on vacation, you’re on vacation whether you’re still at work or not.

Normally, I wouldn’t include this strip in a roundup because I thought it was sort of lame and didn’t work. I just wanted to point out that if you spend way too much time drawing a merry-go-round and a shopping cart Ferris wheel, you may not be spending enough time on the joke. It’s the writing, stupid.

Penny being locked in a theme park was foreshadowed in a backwards way, if that’s possible. Last year I had her reminiscing about her bad vacations and one of them was about being locked in a theme park. I hadn’t made such a strip, so I did it this year.

This strip was done with directors David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, and Jim Abrahams in mind. They are most famous for the movie Airplaine! and the Naked Gun series. They excelled at having foreground characters unaware of extreme things going on with characters in the background.

Penny and Harvey finally got a break and are getting an honest-to-god real vacation. Too real, it winds up. I don’t know what’s going on with these troubled cruises and I don’t intend to find out, not because I’m some sort of cruise snob but because I can’t afford it. I will, of course, accept free cruise tickets if some cruise bigwig takes pity on me and wants to toss a couple my way. Just be aware that I start throwing up the second I even look at a ship.

I love Penny’s segue into mentioning her place of employment, but I mostly want to point out that this is the first time we’ve seen an empty popcorn bucket near Tabby.

This is an important comic to me. My best friend’s father actually did this to a pair of pants. A teacher at school demanded he wear a belt because his pants had loops. His solution to this demand is everything you need to know about him. He was a great guy who had a great family and started great business that is still in operation today. That teacher had nothing to do with his success.

I thought this little tale was like something out of a Mark Twain book, so I gave it to Berle. Berle is the only character I have who could possible work in a Mark Twain novel.

I’m Rusty, here. If anyone messed with my work while I was away, I would never go away. My comics are my porkchops.

The cast of this comic can be broken down into little friendship groups. Tabby is Penny’s friend. She’s the only one who actually worked with Penny before she became a manager. Since she’s never wanted to be a manager, Tabby has zero jealousy for Penny.

Most of the characters have little backstories in my head. I should probably explore those some day.

Unlike Rusty, Penny did go on vacation and her boss messed with her work, her work being the schedule. Having a boss unintentionally mess up the schedule seems to be a common theme no matter where I work.