Ahhh… reasons for being late. My kids’ school has a “reason” column for when you sign your kid in late. They recently moved this form from the office to the space between the two sets of doors at the entrance. Now you can only talk to the people in the office through a crackly speaker, and your late kid still has to walk through the office to get into class. The reason given was “preserving student dignity”.
Most parents leave the “reason” column blank or say “late”. I’ve done both. But Monday I had an epiphany. They have no leverage. They can’t kick my kids out because their mother is weird. They have no legitimate safety or moral grounds for requiring a reason you are 2 minutes late.
Monday my reason was “rebel base attacked”
Tuesday it was “squirrels chewed through the wires”
Today we might be on time. But if not I have a few more lined up.
I now walk away laughing and skipping.
Weirdness, it turns out, is extremely effective at fighting shame. 😁
A fellow weird coworker wrote “the other cars were in my way” on such a form. That was my favorite reason, although I did write a poem that I composed while stuck in traffic. The poem was surprisingly popular.
The best one I ever used for being late was "My dog bit me when I tried to make her come back into the house when it was time for me to leave for work, so I had to go the ER."
That last panel of Berle as a (fake) manager--genius! I wish all interviewers told the truth, though not a lot of people would want to end up working for them. We live in insanity!!
I love being weird. It keeps the folks in my sphere of influence (waiters, clerks, etc.) on their toes. I am 88 years of age and I’m finding that I’m not having to work as hard at being weird as I used to.
Since you mentioned dreams, mine need either a set designer or an interior decorator. In one, my brother and I were some sort of forensic lab specialists, only our lab was in a cellar that had a dirt floor, a single overhead light fixture, and a dusty workbench atop which was our one microscope. In fairness, we were wearing lab coats and latex gloves...
My dreams tend to run on no shoestring budgets. The lighting is poor, the sets are generally as bad as the lab I described, and the vast majority of people are walk-throughs, not even walk-ons. I figure they’re on their way to and from better paying gigs in other dreams.
I'm too weird for words. But for some reason, when I worked retail, 90% of the customers loved me. There was one customer who moved into a new house 20 miles away, but she would come back to the store where I was working, when I was workng, because she only wanted to deal with me.
So when I said "not weird" (so weird) I thought that meant the obvious: my weird has become my style, seemingly normal but seriously off the grid. Yet no one knows, or at least they don't say it out loud.
One of the highlights of my time at the Legal Service Office was the three hour video on sexual harassment awareness training we had to sit through. Ninety minutes in, after a number of my coworkers had been medevaced after nodding off and impaling their faces on the pointy end of the spoons resting in cups of coffee that had failed them so badly, the Navy decided to augment their discussion of the topic by airing the Coast Guard's sexual harassment training video, in its entirety. It was amazing. In twenty minutes, the Coast Guard presentation taught me what sexual harassment was, that both women and men can be victims and perpetrators, the negative effect such behavior has on morale, and what to do about it. Meanwhile, the Navy had taken a tough stance against sexual harassment, assuring that it would end at Navy facilities everywhere, but nobody in the Navy seemed to know what sexual harassment was. The training day ended as most days in the Navy ended, with greater confusion than when the day had started, with the added pain of wishing I had joined the Coast Guard instead.
I should add that I enjoy your posts and the cast of characters in your comics. I even read the signs posted throughout. And should my ship ever come in without wiping out the pier, yours is one Substack I will happily support. Sadly, even my metaphorical ship is likely stranded near the Strait of Hormuz.
I understand that completely, and your emotional support is sincerely appreciated. I would like to support the publication of the the 1970s Spider-Man newspaper comics. Alas, the price tag is a bit steep for a cartoonist. Cartoonists generally share a tin cup with all of the other art forms and I’m happy just to be involved.
Ahhh… reasons for being late. My kids’ school has a “reason” column for when you sign your kid in late. They recently moved this form from the office to the space between the two sets of doors at the entrance. Now you can only talk to the people in the office through a crackly speaker, and your late kid still has to walk through the office to get into class. The reason given was “preserving student dignity”.
Most parents leave the “reason” column blank or say “late”. I’ve done both. But Monday I had an epiphany. They have no leverage. They can’t kick my kids out because their mother is weird. They have no legitimate safety or moral grounds for requiring a reason you are 2 minutes late.
Monday my reason was “rebel base attacked”
Tuesday it was “squirrels chewed through the wires”
Today we might be on time. But if not I have a few more lined up.
I now walk away laughing and skipping.
Weirdness, it turns out, is extremely effective at fighting shame. 😁
A fellow weird coworker wrote “the other cars were in my way” on such a form. That was my favorite reason, although I did write a poem that I composed while stuck in traffic. The poem was surprisingly popular.
The reason for everything is 42.
“rebel based attacked” LOL
The best one I ever used for being late was "My dog bit me when I tried to make her come back into the house when it was time for me to leave for work, so I had to go the ER."
That last panel of Berle as a (fake) manager--genius! I wish all interviewers told the truth, though not a lot of people would want to end up working for them. We live in insanity!!
The guy who replaced the motivational poster with one from despair.com? That was me.
I love being weird. It keeps the folks in my sphere of influence (waiters, clerks, etc.) on their toes. I am 88 years of age and I’m finding that I’m not having to work as hard at being weird as I used to.
I love this. You’re a role model for us all.
Since you mentioned dreams, mine need either a set designer or an interior decorator. In one, my brother and I were some sort of forensic lab specialists, only our lab was in a cellar that had a dirt floor, a single overhead light fixture, and a dusty workbench atop which was our one microscope. In fairness, we were wearing lab coats and latex gloves...
Low budget dreams should be a box to check on a medical form.
My dreams tend to run on no shoestring budgets. The lighting is poor, the sets are generally as bad as the lab I described, and the vast majority of people are walk-throughs, not even walk-ons. I figure they’re on their way to and from better paying gigs in other dreams.
On reasons for being late, kinda.
My organization used to ask for info beyond a simple "I'm sick. "
After getting inundated with really colorful and dramatic descriptions of ailments, they quietly dropped that requirement.
This was verified by talking to someone in HR personally.
I'm too weird for words. But for some reason, when I worked retail, 90% of the customers loved me. There was one customer who moved into a new house 20 miles away, but she would come back to the store where I was working, when I was workng, because she only wanted to deal with me.
That’s the best!
So when I said "not weird" (so weird) I thought that meant the obvious: my weird has become my style, seemingly normal but seriously off the grid. Yet no one knows, or at least they don't say it out loud.
Weird.
I like that interpretation. Normalized weirdness.
Loved these! I’ve wondered for a while: How do you pronounce Berle? XD is it as simple as “burr-el”? where is that name from?
It’s the same as Milton Berle. I first thought of Burl Ives, but liked the spelling of Berle better. I use very modern references.
This really made me laugh so hard. Thank you.
You don't remember Uncle Miltie? !!!
I was tempted to choose Not Weird (so weird), I mean, I'm a fan so it's pretty clear.
The Tabnam is the hero we need in retail.
One of the highlights of my time at the Legal Service Office was the three hour video on sexual harassment awareness training we had to sit through. Ninety minutes in, after a number of my coworkers had been medevaced after nodding off and impaling their faces on the pointy end of the spoons resting in cups of coffee that had failed them so badly, the Navy decided to augment their discussion of the topic by airing the Coast Guard's sexual harassment training video, in its entirety. It was amazing. In twenty minutes, the Coast Guard presentation taught me what sexual harassment was, that both women and men can be victims and perpetrators, the negative effect such behavior has on morale, and what to do about it. Meanwhile, the Navy had taken a tough stance against sexual harassment, assuring that it would end at Navy facilities everywhere, but nobody in the Navy seemed to know what sexual harassment was. The training day ended as most days in the Navy ended, with greater confusion than when the day had started, with the added pain of wishing I had joined the Coast Guard instead.
If it wasn’t for weird people we wouldn’t know what is normal. Weird people are the spice of life and now back to being the spice of life.
The problem with self reporting surveys like this is that people put down the "right" or "cool" answer.
And NO ONE wants to be the uncool answer unless they're really down or depressed. So you may have invented a useful diagnostic tool ...
That would fall in with all of the other useful things I’ve managed to do. It was an accident.
I should add that I enjoy your posts and the cast of characters in your comics. I even read the signs posted throughout. And should my ship ever come in without wiping out the pier, yours is one Substack I will happily support. Sadly, even my metaphorical ship is likely stranded near the Strait of Hormuz.
I understand that completely, and your emotional support is sincerely appreciated. I would like to support the publication of the the 1970s Spider-Man newspaper comics. Alas, the price tag is a bit steep for a cartoonist. Cartoonists generally share a tin cup with all of the other art forms and I’m happy just to be involved.
You got dreams just right!