Ghosts Of Christmas Past

Or How The Grinch Returned Christmas

The Grinch today wouldn’t bother to steal Christmas, he’d just return it. On December 26th he’d stand in line with all of the other sullen faces and realize that maybe, just maybe, he should accept Christmas into his heart just to avoid the hassle involved in rejecting it.

During the previous decade, I have to admit that I stopped enjoying Christmas. That had more to do with my life at that time than the actual holiday itself. In fact, I would say that Christmas is a good way to test how your life is going. Are you relaxing and watching Charlie Brown and Rudolph? Life is good. Are you hating things in general? Life is not so good. Watch Charlie Brown and Rudolph and follow up with your health care provider.

Christmas is one of those holidays that combines rituals from many ancient belief systems and is celebrated by all kinds of people who know that decorations and gift-giving spell out a good time. What can go wrong with that?

When examining your mental well being during “the holidays”, it’s always helpful to be writing several characters. Any decent psychiatrist can write a good prescription simply by looking at Berle.

There is more to Christmas than animated specials. I know this may shock you. There is also spending a lot of time traveling, with family, in stores, eating foods that taste good and are bad for you, and depleting your bank account. There is magic in the air.

When I was a kid, we ripped open presents mindlessly and with the energy normally used to escape a burning building. After growing up, I kept being in a situation where one child was surrounded by a gang of adults, all recording, who were eagerly awaiting the child’s reaction as each present was unwrapped. That’s a pretty high-pressure Christmas.

If adults outnumber the children, they need to leave the room and watch the unwrapping on a security cam.

The music! Listen to Christmas music. Lot’s of classics and modern renditions to choose from. Go ahead, put your music on random so a quiet, humbling, tune can be followed up by something that makes your ears bleed. It’s great.

And if you give out pencil cases while your family gives you new clothes and a sound system, remind them that it’s the thought that counts. It does. It really does. It counts against you. You’ll be reminded of your crappy gift giving for the rest of your life.

Christmas clearance is a special kind of super clearance you don’t see anywhere else, especially if your local Walmart overordered. You can stock up on supplies for the whole year if you don’t mind Christmas-oriented supplies. Just make sure you’ve eaten all of your Christmas candy by the time you circle back to Halloween. You don’t want to look cheap, after all.