Fixing Berle

And Breaking Him Again

Berle was a legacy character before the focus shifted to retail. His existence was defined by his inability to keep a job. What to do? Why, give him a job at the store! The chronically unemployed have a chance at normality as long as they don’t steal.

I feel sorry for doctors, nurses, and support staff because they are exposed to every kind of illness while trying to help people, but I think I feel more sorry for retail employees. They’re exposed to every kind of illness for a lot less pay. The employee discount really doesn’t add much compensation when you’re so sick that you want to die.

Berle came to the store during the pandemic, and I have to admit that I miss masks. I looked better in a mask, I didn’t have sinus problems in a mask, plus I could have my mouth stuffed with peanut butter fudge and none was the wiser. That is, unless somebody needed to speak to me. It was great.

If I loved the mask so much, why did I not continue to wear a mask after it was required to do so? Ok, you got me. I guess I didn’t love it. The mask was almost like a rule in grade school. I hated the rules back then, but I would find a way to break or alter them to suit my purpose. We were all students back then.

Asking a customer if you can help them is always a role of the dice.

“Can I help you? No, I’m seriously asking. Maybe I can! Let’s find out.”

Somewhere, right now, there are people still using the phrase “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. We must find them and stop them.

Before everyone says “it’s never in the back”, we have to admit that sometimes it is, especially if a big shipment arrived late and there was nobody to receive it all. Chances are, if it’s in the back there’s no way of immediately finding it. That’s the real truth.

“The back” is a magical place, by the way, where everything you’ve ever wanted is. You just have to use the power of love, belief in the system, and hope to find what you are looking for. There are goblins, evil forces, and powerful heroes in the back, all fighting for control of the inventory. If you enter the back, bring a sword and a trusty sidekick.

Of all the questions of sorrow and fear,

The saddest is this: “Do you work here?”

My father warned me when I got my first job that there is at least one person at every place of employment who wants to make life miserable for everyone else. I’m happy to report that I have never been that person.

To my knowledge. I usually get a bit grumpy when I’ve stayed at a job too long. The difference between me and most work grumps is that I always left.

I forgot that Berle was actually fired during the pandemic. I made a conscious decision to have him never wearing his mask. Of course he’d be the guy to neve put a mask on.

He ultimately came back, just like an actor who’s still in the credits of your favorite TV show. Now he can’t get fired due to the powers bestowed upon him by a genie from a beer bottle. I think beer bottle genie powers are just as realistic as any other reason as to why some people who should be fired never get fired.

This is always a question when you quit a job in a particular industry. Take it from someone who’s worked in a lot of industries. You either look for a job in a similar industry or you switch industries. Either way, you need to find somewhere you haven’t worked for before.

This is why I prefer large cities.